What If You
by BunnyHop
Summary: Kate got hurt on the rescue mission but didn't tell anybody. Now that she's back Sawyer is determined to give her the best day she's ever had, a day so great that it makes her forget she was ever hurt in the first place.
1. Part 1

Hey everyone, this is my fic so constructive criticism is welcome, but please be nice - I actually wrote it a little while ago, around ep 3x15, but only just got around to uploading it here. (If you visit the kateandsawyer fanfic site you might recognise it from there though)

It was going to be a one-shot but as I wrote it I decided it would be better in 2 parts. The name came from the song 'What if you' – Joshua Radin. Oh and I'm writing as if Kate, Locke & Sayid hadn't managed to get Jack, to make it simpler. Well that's all I've got to say. Enjoy! xxx

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**Part 1**

Pale rays of moonlight danced across the ocean's surface, to the slow rhythm of the breaking waves. The beach was eerily silent and perfectly still, except for one lonely figure, barely noticeable amongst the midnight shadows.

Sawyer leaned back against the tattered plane seat, outside of his desolate shelter.

His rigid position was causing his muscles to ache as they tensed with stress, worry, fear and all kinds of other emotions that he couldn't even begin to describe, let alone understand.

He stared intently, almost desperately, into the deep, passionate water, as if it held all the answers to the questions flashing wildly through his mind.

Why had she left? Why didn't she say goodbye? What should he be sorry for?

And the one that he kept returning to; Did she really love him?

Sawyer's gaze was only captured and thrown back at him by the waves, which raged slightly in the growing breeze, so that they perfectly reflected all the anger and turmoil in his eyes.

In an almost robotic motion, he lifted an old dharma beer can to his lips and took another long swig, not even realising that it had been empty for a long time now.

Sawyer's thoughts weren't on his actions at the moment, nor were they on the beach.

They were with her; with Kate.

It had been over a week since the two of them had returned from the other island together. Which meant it had also been over a week since he'd last seen her, touched her. Over a week since she'd left him, for the second time, without saying goodbye.

As he sat there, accompanied only by the monotonous drone of the ocean, Sawyer remembered the time they'd spent in the cages. How it had brought them so close, how they'd always be the last person each other saw before they fell asleep each night and how, even through the oppressive clouds of fear and looming threat of death, that would always be the one thing to pull them through the day and remind them that things could be worse. They had each other back then and that was all that had mattered.

This was worse. Waiting. Merely waiting for her to return.

Desperately wishing that he could go out there and find her, hold her close and tell her he missed her, that he was sorry, that he loved her.

But he couldn't.

Not only because he couldn't track worth a damn. No, it was far more than that.

There were barriers that still had to be broken and lines that they still couldn't cross, not even for each other. Not yet.

It wasn't as if he didn't want to say those things, he did, more than anything, but he'd already become so vulnerable in those cages, and look what had come out of that.

Even so, in that night before they escaped all of their fear and insecurities seemed to evaporate and, despite the growing trepidation waiting to be released from their dark surroundings, they actually felt happy.

Sawyer yearned to be back in that moment, craved the feel of her soft lips against his. He needed to run his fingers through her dark, silky hair and to just lie with her wrapped in his arms once more, in a comfortable silence listening to their hearts beating in sync with each other.

Was it his fault that she left? Should he have said sorry? Would it really have changed anything? How could he say it, and mean it, if he didn't even know what he'd done wrong?

The questions plagued Sawyer, as if his own conscience was interrogating him.

A flood of guilt and despondency hit him as he caught sight of Kate's abandoned tent, and it became clear that sitting out here was doing him no good. Maybe if he tried to get some sleep things might be better in the morning. That seemed unlikely.

Standing up and throwing his crumpled beer can down in one swift motion, Sawyer glanced around the beach one more time, before violently swinging back the tarp door of his shelter and heading inside.

Once inside he tore off his shirt, letting it fall to the ground, and collapsed onto his makeshift bed, running his hands backwards through his hair in an act of barely contained emotion.

He stared fixedly at the small patch of light creeping through a gap somewhere above him, in his otherwise blacked out surroundings. Like a tiny glimmer of hope in a broken world. Like Kate, breaking through his barriers and giving him something to live for.

How was it that no matter what he thought about, it always led back to Kate?

In the past few days he tried to shake himself out of it, tried anything to take his mind off of her. Nothing had worked.

Not even a van full of beer, and now he didn't even have that to distract him.

After locating the source of the light, he fixed his gaze on the area of night sky that was visible over his head, and once again gave into his thoughts about her.

He knew that even if he'd caught up with her before she left, there was nothing he could do to stop her from leaving, not this time. But he could have told her how he felt, that he was sorry, for everything, that he knew it wasn't just pity sex that night in the cages, and that he really meant it when he told her he loved her.

That way, if anything was to happen to her, then at least she'd know, at least she'd have something to hold on to, someone to pull through for. And that was never going to change.

It was at this moment that Sawyer realised he could wait for her to come back, she needed someone to return to just like he had when he'd been on the raft. This moment which confirmed that no matter what happened to them, or around them, he would always be there for her, like he knew she would for him, no matter what.

Feeling exhaustion begin to sink in, he gazed up at the tranquil sky for the last time before succumbing to sleep, reassured by the knowledge that, through this vast entity overlooking them, she was still somehow connected to him.

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Had Kate been looking at that instant, she'd have seen a beautiful shooting star illuminating an aerial path directly back to the beach, lighting her way home.

Unfortunately Kate couldn't look even if she'd had time to.

The thick yarn of the bag over her head made her surroundings almost impossible to make out in the brightest of conditions, let alone out here, deep within the jungle, through eyes shrouded with uncertainty.

She was disoriented and alone, hands cuffed awkwardly behind her back, slumped against a tree. Leaning her head back against the rough bark and taking a deep breath, she listened for any signs of where she might be.

She could hear the retreating sounds of her captors' footsteps as they shuffled back towards the place that they called home. Other than that everything seemed eerily quiet.

She sat for a few more minutes as a crisp wind picked up around her. Eventually deciding it was in her best interests to try breaking free of the cuffs constricting her wrists.

It wasn't long after she'd started aimlessly feeling around for anything that might help her with this task that the whispers began.

She jumped to her feet, knowing that any attempt to run or fight would be useless, but unable to do anything other than follow her instincts.

She backed up against the tree she'd been leaning on and listened.

Silence.

It surrounded her. An uneasy, confining silence. Staying in this was becoming torture. So, slowly, she began to move back out into the open, leaving the secure sturdiness of the tree trunk and heading out in what she could only hope was the right direction to lead her back to camp.

Kate had been walking for about 10 minutes when the whispers returned.

Louder this time. Closer.

They whipped around her, seeming to come from every direction. Whenever she turned to face them they suddenly moved behind her, taunting her.

Eventually Kate began to tire. She knew that in her current state and surroundings she was about as safe as a rabbit on a busy road, but she just couldn't find the strength to carry on walking much further. The only thing driving her forward, forcing her to pick up her foot and resume walking were those three little words she still had to say. And, more to the point, the person she had to say them to. Him; Sawyer; James.

Unfortunately those words would have to wait, as a loud scuffing sound broke through the wall of whispers encircling Kate.

This was shortly followed by a loud whoosh, accompanied by a searing pain in Kate's abdomen.

She fell to the floor, curling the top half of her body up in defence, but kicking the area around her in a futile attempt to ward off her attacker.

Her attempts, however, were only met by a grunt of maniacal laughter and a large stick of some sort landing hard against her ribs.

This sent her crashing backwards against a large rock, causing another ripple of pain in the area around her kidneys.

Her attacker continued to hit her three more times in her lower abdomen before finally getting bored and leaving her in a crumpled heap on the floor.

Agony coursed through Kate's body as she lay between the cool foliage, listening to footsteps fading away somewhere to her right.

As the darkness engulfed her, Kate focused on the only thing that mattered, the only person that had ever let her be her true self, loved her for her true self. Even though the pain was overwhelming, and fear was consuming her, the image in her mind, of that night in Sawyer's cage, kept Kate believing that things might be alright in the end.

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Kate awoke to the sound of muffled voices.

This time though, she knew where the voices where coming from and who they belonged to.

She struggled into a sitting position as Locke and Sayid approached from the other side of the clearing.

Tiny shafts of light were beginning to break through the thick yarn of the bag still over her head. How long had she been out for?

She didn't have time to ponder the issue as she felt herself being pulled to her feet and the bag being ripped away.

As her eyes adjusted to the light of early morning, Kate examined her arms for any signs of her beating. There were a few scrapes and bruises, but those could just as easily have been caused by a bush or other jungle inhabitant she'd encountered on her lonely stumble away from The Others' so-called home.

She let out a breath that she didn't even know she'd been holding, but immediately regretted it.

An immense stabbing pain shot through her midsection, knocking her off balance and into Sayid, who was now freeing her bound wrists.

"Kate, are you alright?" Sayid asked, grasping her arm to give her support. A hint of worry was evident in his voice.

"Yeah, I'm…I'm fine. I guess I'm just tired." Kate lied, gently pulling her arm away and rolling back her shoulders in a bid to seem nonchalant. The camp had bigger things to worry about and Kate could take care of herself, she'd been doing so for years now anyway. Her companions seemed to buy it, and seeing the traces of fatigue in their faces, Kate knew her decision was for the best.

"Well aren't we all" remarked Locke, "Come on, sooner we get back to camp the sooner we can rest."

And with that he disappeared into the dense foliage ahead of them, followed closely by Sayid. Kate, on the other hand, hung back a few steps, cradling her stomach and wishing for the throbbing to subside.

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It was around 5am when the trio finally emerged from the jungle and set foot on the welcoming sand of their beach.

Sawyer was the first to hear them of course, since he was the only member of the camp who had yet to gain more than an hours sleep. From inside his tent he could hear her voice, penetrating the darkness like an angel's song.

His heart skipped a beat. He must be dreaming. He didn't trust his judgement right now, he needed to see her.

Without bothering to pull on a shirt, Sawyer clambered over crushed beer cans and quickly, but at the same time hesitantly drew back the tarp concealing the entrance to his shelter.

He waited in anticipation, frozen to the spot, as Locke and Sayid stepped out from between the palm trees. Sawyer grew slightly impatient; it wasn't them he was looking for.

Eventually after what seemed like hours but in reality must have been less than a minute, Kate appeared.

Their eyes met instantly. Over all of the tents and other structures making up the camp, they formed a connection without words, the way that only they could.

Slowly, as if he was moving in a dream, Sawyer began to make his way up the beach. He had no idea what he would say. All the words he'd been rehearsing in his virtually sleepless nights had been blown away the second he set eyes on her. But, for some reason, none of that mattered. Not now. All that mattered now was that she was safe, she was home.

As he came to a stop in front of her though, the tension began to build.

As it happens, Kate too had lost her words. So they both stood in silence, never looking away from each others eyes, mirroring looks filled with confusion, insecurity and fear.

Neither one of them acknowledged Locke or Sayid's presence, but the other two survivors seemed to respect this and remained silent as well.

Just as they had been with Sawyer since Kate left, thoughts rushed through Kate's mind. Questions with simple answers that she just couldn't find. Should she have said goodbye? Should she be sorry? Was she sorry?

But far above all of these, did Sawyer love her? Did she love him?

She felt the tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. As raw emotion overpowered her Kate did something that neither onlooker could have seen coming. But Sawyer could.

In a fluid motion his arms were wrapped around her, holding her securely against his bare chest, her head nuzzled against his shoulder, tears coursing down her face.

Suddenly the answers to Kate's questions became so clear; yes. She knew Sawyer loved her, she loved him and nothing would ever change that.

Sawyer saw the incredulous look exchanged by Sayid and Locke, but ignored it. He had more important things on his mind right now.

He stroked Kate's silky brown hair, whispering soothing words and tightening his protective grip around her.

Sawyer had never been one for comforting, quite the opposite actually, but this time it was different, this time it was Kate. Everything seemed to come so naturally when he was with her, it all seemed so right.

He was knocked from his reverie by Kate stirring in his arms.

She slowly turned to face him, and this time when their eyes met, all of the uncertainties had dissolved and the gaze they shared was one of true, unclouded love.

As the tears subsided Kate whispered two words. Two words that held more meaning than anyone other than the two of them could ever know.

"Thank you."

Then, wordlessly, they entwined hands and set off towards Sawyer's tent.

Sayid and Locke couldn't help but smile as they watched the couple. What they saw was no longer just two fellow survivors of a plane crash, or even two lovers, it was two people who would be together forever.

Unfortunately, sometimes forever comes sooner than you think.


	2. Part 2

Well here's part 2, I hope everyone enjoys it.

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**Part 2**

Kate's eyes blurred as she staggered on her way into Sawyer's tent. She hoped he hadn't noticed. Not a chance.

She felt a strong arm wrap around her, gently twisting her around to face a concerned Sawyer.

"You okay Freckles?" He asked, worry lacing his voice. He'd completely forgotten the bet he'd lost to Hurley, it meant nothing to him when something was wrong with Kate.

Swallowing hard, Kate replied in the same way she had to her companions in the jungle. "Yeah, I uh, I just need some rest."

As she said this, she draped her arms around Sawyer's neck, leaning her head on his shoulder to hide the pain contorting her features and hoping desperately that he didn't see it. Luckily for her, he didn't. He did, however, see through her attempts to hide that there was something wrong, and that scared him possibly more than the problem itself would have. Now he knew how she felt when The Others had conned him and, although he knew he'd been keeping it a secret in order to protect her, an enormous amount of guilt weighed on him.

As much as he wanted to, Sawyer couldn't go back and change what had happened back then, instead, he'd do whatever it would take to make up for it. The first step in that would be to not pressure Kate to tell him what was wrong. She'd made it fairly obvious that she didn't want to talk about it and, even though he wanted more than anything to know what was doing this to her, to protect her from it, he knew that trying to find out would only make things worse. There was already too much they still had to deal with, too many issues left unsettled. None of these would be spoken of tonight, but they were both okay with that.

For now at least, the problems could be forgotten. Things were finally looking up and nothing was going to take that away from them.

Without warning, Sawyer reached one arm around Kate's waist, swooped her legs up with the other and pulled her into a secure embrace. Their eyes met briefly before closing along with the gap between them.

It was a slow kiss at first, drawn out like the suffering they'd had to endure recently, but it wasn't long before the intense passion and desire took over.

A small moan escaped Kate's mouth and was echoed by a deep growl from Sawyer.

Eventually they had to part for air, Kate biting her bottom lip in a way that reminded Sawyer of their first kiss, a kiss that was not unlike the one they had just shared. The difference was that their first kiss had, in Kate's part anyway, been with the simple aim of getting something that Sawyer didn't have. The one they just shared had been all about giving each other the love that they both felt and deserved.

Sawyer smiled at how things had changed in the past few months, as he lay Kate down beside him on their makeshift bed. **Their** bed, in **their** shelter. He never thought it would make him so happy to share something with someone, and he'd have never, even in his wildest dreams, imagined that it would be Kate that he was sharing them with.

He leant down and kissed lightly once more, letting his lips hover over hers for just a moment. Apart from anything else to check that this was real and not some kind of fantasy. The heavenly smile she gave him, and the look in her eyes proved it to him. No fantasy could be that beautiful.

"Goodnight, James." Kate whispered as her eyes fell shut.

"Goodnight, Freckles." Sawyer still wasn't going to let some bet get in the way of this moment.

Then he wrapped his arms delicately around her midsection, holding her close as he fell asleep beside her.

That night was the only night since either of them could remember, that hadn't been filled with nightmares. For possibly the first time in their lives they were completely peaceful and ready for whatever life could throw at them.

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Kate awoke later that morning with a smile playing on her lips.

That smile was quickly replaced, however, by a look of confusion as she stretched her arm out to find that she was alone in the bed.

Had it all been a dream? Was it really too good to be true? Maybe Sawyer had realised his mistake or gone back to his old ways, she thought sadly. But, this was different, wasn't it? She knew it was. Hell he hadn't even made any dirty comments when they'd shared a bed last night. He cared about her and she knew it.

So where on earth was he?

Her questions were soon answered as bright morning sunshine poured into the tent, causing Kate to pull the small airplane blanket over her head to cover her tired eyes. She knew he wouldn't let her get away with that.

"Well, well, well Freckles. I get up at the crack o' dawn to get you breakfast in bed and all you can do is hide from me. Now that's a little ungrateful dontcha' think?"

With that he reached down and ripped the blanket from her grasp, grabbing her hand and pulling her into a sitting position in the same motion, before collapsing down beside her.

It took Kate a minute to recover from the initial shock of Sawyer's surprising, and yet very Sawyer-esque, greeting and when she did all of her earlier worries seemed to fade away in an instant. Laid out in front of her was an assortment of slices of large fruits, all freshly picked and cut, accompanied by a large leaf-plate full of Dharma crackers with various toppings and a sort of homemade fruit salad with dharma cream in one of the camps coconut shell bowls. An uncontrollable smile lit up her face as she turned towards Sawyer.

"You did all this, for me?"

He looked down timidly as a shy smile crept across his face, deepening his dimples.

"What, you think you're not worth it?"

Kate didn't need to answer; the look they shared at this moment told him everything he needed to know.

"Now come one, eat up. I got a whole day planned for us."

"What, why? Although Kate had a good idea why, she couldn't help but ask.

"Because…" Replied Sawyer, unsuccessfully feigning impatience, "Because we got a lot to catch up with and you never know when we'll get another chance."

Kate was surprised by his honesty, but the meaning behind his words was clear to both of them. She didn't know how to respond to this without further building the tension that was growing in the air.

"I guess you're right." Simple, but effective.

"Of course I'm right" replied Sawyer with a cheeky grin, "Now come **on**, breakfast isn't gonna eat itself. Don't make me have to force feed you."

When Kate still refused to eat, for the pure fun of winding up Sawyer, he grabbed her waist, pulling her towards him and pinned her between his legs. Slowly he leaned in towards her and, just as their tongues were about to meet, he grabbed a huge slice of mango and thrust it into her mouth. Juice spurted out and dripped down her chin, which Sawyer proceeded to lick clean. Yes this really was going to be a good day.

This was something Kate never would have expected to wake up to, especially not from Sawyer. But then it wasn't from Sawyer; it was from James, and she loved it.

Since she'd returned everything had just been so perfect. She knew there were still things that needed to be said and problems they'd have to face, but she wasn't scared of them anymore. Sawyer had changed, she had too, and they could both see it. This didn't mean everything was going to be plain sailing, far from it probably, but it did mean that they had the power to overcome the glitches and bumps.

She was thrown from her reverie by an acidic sensation burning its way through her digestive system. She'd had heart burn from fruit several times since they'd crashed on the island, but this…this was something else.

She squinted and bit her cheek to hold out against the pain until, just as suddenly as it had come on, it went away.

"Hey, everything alright, Freckles?" Once again Sawyer had noticed.

"Mm hmm" replied Kate, quickly stuffing her mouth with more fruit to avoid lengthy conversation. "Just heart burn, it's no big deal."

"Hmm, maybe you oughtta go easy on the fruit then, Shortcake."

A wistful look passed across Kate's features as she reminisced the origins of that nickname.

"Sawyer, _I'm fine_." She emphasised the last two words, more for her own reassurance than anything else. "Besides, you're the one trying to make me eat it so fast."

This gained an exasperated look from Sawyer.

"Yeah, well…" He trailed off; he wasn't going to get angry, not today. He took a deep breath, as if it was a physical struggle to say. "I just got a lot of plans for today, an' I don't want 'em getting screwed up."

Kate held her hands up in mock surrender as she swallowed the last of the breakfast.

"Okay, so what now?" Kate's question was simply greeted by a smirk.

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He hadn't told her where they were going; just assured her she'd need to have good underwear on. This generated an incredulous look and an eyebrow raise from Kate but she didn't argue. She simply disappeared into her tent, re-emerging in a different outfit and looking even more beautiful than she had five minutes ago.

Sawyer made a mental note to move her things into his tent that night.

Now they were wondering through the jungle, as they had been for at least half an hour now, and Kate still didn't have a clue where Sawyer was leading her, or even if he knew. That was until she heard it; the unmistakable crashing melody of the waterfall.

As they approached the rocks lining the edge of the emerald water, Kate grew uncertain.

"Sawyer, there are dead bodies in there."

Sawyer looked at her as if she was crazy.

"Baby, since when have we let a couple of dead people get in our way?"

Kate shook her head slightly, laughing. He had a point.

Just like last time Kate removed her jeans but left her tank top on, this time to hide the ugly purple bruises decorating her stomach. Then she climbed carefully over the rocks and submerged up to her shoulders in the cool, refreshing liquid; turning around just in time to see Sawyer rip off his shirt and dive in after her. This sent a spray of water splashing in every direction, covering the rest of a surprised Kate. She whirled around quickly, looking for him. He was going to pay for that.

Concern swept across her face when, for the second time that day, he wasn't anywhere to be seen.

Her concern was short lived, however, when she felt something tickling lightly at her side. Sawyer. She let out a delighted squeal as two firm hands grasped her waist, pulling her under, towards their owner.

Kate twisted around to face Sawyer, draping her arms around his neck as they let the water drag them back to the surface.

Their faces were now only inches apart when Kate rested a hand on top of Sawyer's head, as she had that day in the cages, placing the other hand on his shoulder as she moved nearer, grazing his nose but refusing to close the gap completely, and…pushed him playfully back under the water.

"What was that for?!" Sawyer splashed up beside her.

"For getting me wet." Kate regretted her wording instantly.

She saw Sawyer's trademark smirk appear as he came up with some kind of innuendo to retaliate with. In a split second she'd glided closer to him, covering his mouth with her own and preventing the words from being said. She let her teeth linger on his bottom lip as they pulled apart, giving them both time to take in the magnificent sight before them.

They'd wanted this, wanted each other, for so long now. It was difficult for either to believe that it was really happening, that they weren't just going to wake up and find out it had all been an amazing dream. But then, this was better than a dream; this was love.

Kate ran her fingers down Sawyer's glistening chest, stopping abruptly when she reached the deep scar running alongside his heart.

She met his eyes, disturbance wracking her expression. Judging by the scarring this had been done over a week ago, when the two of them were still in the cages. Why didn't he tell her about it?

"Did they do this to you?" She already knew the answer.

"It's nothing Freckles." Sawyer tried to seem nonchalant. It wasn't going to work.

"James" This got his attention. "I need you to tell me what happened to you."

He avoided her prying eyes, still trying to shrug it off.

"Please." She almost begged him, with glazed eyes and a soft, pleading voice.

He couldn't do this to her anymore.

Sawyer pulled her close, leaning his cheek against the top of her head, as much to hide the emotion in his eyes as to comfort her. Kate lightly traced her fingers over the scar as he told her everything.

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Not only had they beaten him, hurt him and conned him, but through all of this he'd still cared more about protecting her than anything else. It all made sense now. He'd gone through so much for her and all she could do was think about rescuing Jack. A tear escaped Kate's eye and rolled onto Sawyer's shoulder. He stroked her hair tenderly and hugged her

"Hey, it's okay."

"No it's not." She had to say something. "I…" She tried, but the words just wouldn't come. Nothing she could say had the power to tell him how she felt. Tears lacing her voice, she tried again. "I…" It didn't matter how much Kate wanted to say these things to Sawyer, her voice still refused. Luckily, the look in her eyes before she collapsed onto his chest, shaking with tears, told him everything.

"C'mere" He whispered into her hair before placing a strong hand on her cheek and turning her to face him. "It's okay." He enunciated the words to show how much he meant it.

The conversation wasn't over; it had barely even started, but he couldn't bear to see her like this. After everything they'd all ready shared that afternoon, continuing the conversation would be too much for either of them to go through with right now.

"Maybe a swim wasn't such a good idea after all, hey Freckles?"

"I'll drink to that." She muttered, a sad smile appearing at the corners of her mouth.

"Funny you should say that…"

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After they'd dressed, Sawyer had taken Kate's hand and led her into the jungle, insisting he knew where he was going. Kate was less than convinced.

Since then they'd managed to circle the waterfall twice, witness the site of the imploded hatch and stumble upon a new hatch along with what they assumed must have been the beach-craft that Boone was crushed inside. It seemed the only thing they hadn't encountered was the one thing they were looking for. Kate could've helped; she was the one who knew how to track after all, the only problem was Sawyer still wouldn't tell her where they were going. Apparently he meant business with his surprises.

This hadn't stopped Kate from wondering though, and, based on their last little activity and the hint he'd dropped to her there, she had a suspicion as to what the evening had in store.

Finally, after 2 hours or so of 'son-of-a-bitch' and 'godammit', Sawyer announced their arrival at wherever it was he was taking them.

Kate surveyed the area, perplexed. This patch of jungle looked no different than all the other patches they'd trekked through in the last couple of hours, and it was exactly that; a patch of jungle, full of different shades of green, with a carpet of foliage, surrounded by a wall of trees. Kate didn't understand what was so special about it. The look on Sawyer's face told her he'd been expecting this reaction.

"Close your eyes" He said this as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"What?" Strangely, Kate appeared genuinely confused.

"Ain't anybody ever given you a surprise before?" Sawyer knew this was a mistake as soon as the words left his mouth.

Her face took on a slightly haunted expression as she lowered her head, whispering with more than a hint of bitterness, "Not a nice one."

"Yeah, well there's a first time for everything." Sawyer said with a somewhat encouraging smile, trying not to dwell on the past for too long. Then he moved behind her and, placing his hands delicately over her eyes, whispered, so close that she felt his breath tickling her neck, "Now you gonna close your eyes or not?"

Kate had already closed her eyes, purely in a reaction to his gentle touch.

"Okay, they're shut. Now what?"

"Now…" Sawyer took her hand once more, "…you follow me."

"I thought you said we were there." To this Sawyer let out a faux exasperated sigh.

"It's just a few more steps, Freckles. Do you have to make everything so damn difficult?"

Kate rolled her eyes, tightening her grip on his hand, and did what she was told.

Sure enough a few steps later Sawyer came to an abrupt halt, sending Kate flying into the back of him. He turned around just in time to catch her before she fell over completely, drawing her in closer as he helped her up. They were jut beginning to lean into another kiss, when Kate let out a gasp.

"I see you like my surprise, huh Freckles?"

Kate couldn't even form words so she simply nodded, unable to take her eyes off of the sight over Sawyer's shoulder.

He had cleaned out the van that Hurley had found on the day they'd returned to the beach, this alone came as a shock to Kate who until then had no idea of the discovery. On the seats he had laid plane blankets and outside he'd constructed a kind of table out of old scraps from inside the van. On the table, along with an array of Dharma labelled food, were two expensive looking bottles of wine, one on each side.

Kate turned back towards Sawyer, still utterly speechless. Luckily for her she could go one better than words, as she proved by smoothing Sawyer's hair away from his eyes and smothering his face and neck with kisses.

They both wore mirrored expressions of what could only be described as unconfined happiness, as they made their way to the seats in the centre of the van.

Sawyer opened a bottle of wine and handed it to Kate. When she was just about to take a sip, however, she felt a playful tap on her arm.

"Ah ah aah Sassafras, you know the rules." Sawyer said in a challenging tone, raising his eyebrows with a grin.

"Let me guess…I wanna drink I gotta play?"

"You got it."

Kate laughed slightly at the memory.

If someone had told her back then that she'd go through so much with Sawyer of all people and that she could have a day as fantastic as this one all because of him, she'd have probably just rolled her eyes at them. Looking back now she couldn't see how she ever could have felt differently about him than she did now, how she ever could have denied their chemistry or their connection. It was so clear from the beginning, but then maybe she knew that, maybe she'd seen it all along and that had scared her into denial. Whatever it was, she wasn't scared anymore, and she was glad she'd finally realised and accepted that this was how things were meant to be.

Slowly withdrawing from her thoughts, Kate noticed that Sawyer seemed to be waiting for a response of some sort.

"Freckles, did you hear a word I just said?" Kate looked down sheepishly.

"No." She admitted, looking up to meet his eyes with a bashful smile.

"Well good. I'd be pretty worried if you did, seein' as I didn't say anything."

Kate's cheeks grew redder at this comment and her face registered embarrassment, with a trace of confusion.

"But that ain't the point." Sawyer continued "I mighta been saying something real important an' you were all off with the fairies, not listening to a word of it." A dimpled grin contradicted his mock annoyed toned. "You know what that means, Sugar plum?"

Kate didn't have a clue and, as always with Sawyer, she was slightly wary as to what exactly it might mean. Still, she had to ask.

"Nope. What?"

Sawyer pretended to weigh out different options for her punishment, with the only real reason being to prolong her suspense.

"It means…you gotta go first."

"Go first in what?"

"I never. You gotta start. Come on girl the wine ain't exactly gonna drink itself now is it?"

He flashed Kate a gorgeous dimpled smile, making her melt inside.

Not letting Sawyer have the satisfaction of distracting her that easily, she quickly started the game.

"I never…" She used her earlier thoughts as inspiration, "…thought I'd be playing this stupid game again."

Sawyer let out a light breath of laughter, but neither of them drank.

"I never thought I'd see you in a dress." Sawyer retorted with a sly grin. Kate rolled her eyes at this, but they still didn't drink. "This'd better be a good one Freckles, I'm gettin' thirsty." Sawyer remarked playfully before Kate could speak.

"Hmm…I never danced around my cage all because I got myself a fish biscuit."

She had to bite her lip to hold back laughter at the bewildered look on Sawyer's face as she finished the sentence.

"You, uh, you saw that?" Sawyer asked as if she'd just revealed his biggest secret.

Kate nodded letting a quiet giggle escape her mouth. "Apparently those bushes aren't as thick as they look."

Sawyer let out an exaggerated sigh, but was at least glad to have the drink, and to have provided some much needed entertainment for Kate, even if it wasn't in the way that he'd have liked.

Half a bottle each of relatively meaningless statements later, an icy breeze began to pick up, making Kate shiver. Sawyer didn't need to ask if she was cold, he simply picked her up and sat her on his knee, draping his shirt around her shoulders.

The contact with his bare skin caused her to shiver again, but for a completely different reason. She nestled against his chest, enjoying the warmth radiating between them, creating a cocoon that held them together in this moment.

They could both sense that the game was nearing its end, but as Kate curled up in Sawyer's arms she felt compelled to bring up one last issue. Something she'd wanted to talk about for just over two months now but hadn't been able to. Maybe the game would make it easier.

Sawyer met her eyes as she turned to face him. She was looking for a kind of confirmation in his eyes and, although he didn't know what it was for yet, his look gave her all the reassurance she needed and the courage to speak.

"I never said goodbye." Her voice was quiet and sad, but he heard it perfectly.

Neither of them drank. Instead Sawyer placed a finger under Kate's chin, tilting her head up to face him again, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"And let's hope we never have to."

He wiped away a newly falling tear and planted a soft kiss on her trembling lips, before concluding the game in the only way that he could. Reflecting on the last time they played, he whispered;

"I've never been in love."

This time they both drank.

Then, letting their bottles fall to the floor, they closed the gap between their lips.

The kiss was passionate and fuelled by countless emotions. They battled for control, moans escaping each of their mouths, spurring them on.

Eventually Kate gave in to the force, allowing Sawyer to lay her down on the seat, trailing kisses down her neck. Their breathing grew heavier as Sawyer's hands made their way up Kate's top, caressing her beautiful frame, before ripping the material over her head and throwing it to the ground. Their mouths met once more, their tongues dancing in an instant of pure pleasure.

Kate stroked her hands down Sawyer's chest, exploring his perfectly toned abs and brushing gently over the area just above his pants before carefully undoing the zip.

A minute later, clothes were a thing of the past and the cold was long forgotten.

-----------------------------------------------------

The sun was setting as the couple made their way back to the beach, hands entwined. They were in no hurry to arrive there.

Today it felt as if they'd disappeared into their own world, taking with them none of the problems that haunted every other day of their lives and leaving steamy van windows as the only evidence of their presence.

It was almost a shame when they did reach the beach, immediately receiving curious looks from the other survivors.

Kate would have traded every day she had left if it meant she could relive today just one more time. It had all just been so…so perfect. Sawyer had given her everything she'd ever wanted, ever needed, and more in just one day that neither of them would ever forget. Conversely, this one day had helped them to forget the world, to forget their twisted pasts and uncertain future, forget everything other than each pleasure filled second as it happened.

Which is why it came as a surprise to both of them when a sharp, agonising pain sent Kate crashing back to reality; tumbling to the floor with violent convulsions.

Sawyer was by her side in an instant. Kate instinctively grabbed his hand as he helped her into a sitting position.

"Kate, baby, you've gotta tell me this time. What's wrong?"

Sawyer's voice was growing coarse with worry.

When he got no response he tried again. And again. Annoyance growing at everything. At her for not telling him what happened, at whatever made it happen in the first place, but mostly at himself. He could see something was wrong this morning but he didn't do anything, he didn't help; he tried to ignore it like Kate did. But now he could see that she'd needed help all along and now she was suffering because she didn't get it.

He was shaken from his reverie as Kate collapsed in a paroxysm of coughs in front of him. She held her hand to her mouth, squeezing her eyes shut and longing to be in the dream world that she and Sawyer had been in all day until now. But the train back from that world had come to a screeching halt when they reached the beach and she knew that this would be its final destination.

Gradually the noise of the gathering crowd seemed to disappear into the darkness coating her thoughts, leaving only one voice that was powerful enough to break through. The voice was calling out to her, but its message kept getting lost in the haze of panic and tribulation that suffocated her.

Kate opened her eyes again, slowly at first but then snapping wide open as the speckles of red came into view.

It covered the hand she'd been holding over her mouth. Small droplets of her own blood. She hurriedly hid her hand at her side in the hope that Sawyer wouldn't notice. But when she felt a firm grip on her wrist, tugging it in his direction, she knew that it had been wishful thinking.

Sawyer's eyes widened when he too saw the crimson coating Kate's hand.

"Kate?" he stammered.

She was avoiding his eye contact, shaking her head at the sand. Frustration built inside Sawyer. Why wouldn't she say something, anything? With one arm still wrapped protectively around her shoulders, he cupped the side of her face, forcing her to meet his eyes. What he saw broke his heart.

All the happiness and freedom that had been dominant in her expression just minutes ago had washed away with the tears streaming down her face and had now been replaced by pure terror. Sawyer tenderly wiped a tear from the corner of Kate's eye, only to have it replaced by two more.

Carefully he drew her into his lap and kissed her lightly on the forehead, before returning his gaze to her eyes. Their eye contact wavered slightly as Kate struggled to draw in jagged breaths.

"Kate, please." Sawyer tried to keep his voice even. "I know something went wrong out there, I could see it this morning. Now I need you to tell me what happened to you."

In an ironic twist Sawyer found that he was echoing her words to him at the waterfall earlier that day. This made it hurt even more.

Slowly, with great effort, Kate lifted her hands to Sawyer's face, absent-mindedly stroking the strands of hair that framed it. This seemed to relax her just enough so that she could speak, just for a second. But a second was enough to send Sawyer's world crashing down with her.

"I'm dying, Sawyer" Kate choked out as tears caught her words and shook her body.

She fell into Sawyer's embrace in a fit of agonizing sobs.

"What?" It was all he could force himself to say. He had to remain strong for her, but it was becoming increasingly difficult as with each second that passed by another part of his world crumbled away.

For what could have been hours, but was most likely only a few minutes after Kate's announcement they just sat there, clinging to each other as if letting go would mean the end of their very existence. But then who's to say it wouldn't?

Sawyer had almost given up on getting any kind of explanation from Kate, when he felt her moving in his arms. She tried to sit up but was already too drained from her ordeal. Her arms gave out underneath her, but before she had a chance to fall, two strong arms wrapped around her, holding her safely, never letting go. Composing herself slightly, Kate took a shaky breath and attempted to tell Sawyer what happened.

"It happened this morning, or last night, I don't know exactly." Kate spoke in fast broken bursts, overcome by fear and pain. "One of _them_ did it."

A look of unsettling anger passed over Sawyer's features.

"They did something to you? Oh baby, what did they do?" His voice was full of sheer panic and an utter hatred for whoever it was that did this. Kate placed a hand on his chest, struggling to hold it there but needing to, for both of them.

"They attacked me Sawyer. They hit me in the stomach…a few times." Tears threatened Kate again, forcing her to stop talking. Sawyer tightened his hold on her, gradually calming down; he had to at least for now, for her.

"You think that's why this is happening?" All Kate could do was nod.

"Why didn't you tell me, baby, I could've done something to help, I could've –" He trailed off. Who was he kidding, he was no doctor, all he could have done was sit there with her while she suffered, waiting for the end and how was that any different to what he was doing now?

As if sensing his insecurities, Kate replied, "There's nothing anybody could do, Sawyer. I – I was dead before I even reached the beach…this morning."

"No…" Sawyer whispered shaking his head, barely able to contain his emotions any longer. "No, I could've looked after you Kate."

To his surprise, Kate's mouth curved into a weak smile and she very nearly laughed at this.

"But you did look after me. You gave me the most amazing day…I didn't tell you about this when I got back because…" Kate's words caught in her throat as the pools welled up in her eyes again, still she struggled to continue. "Because I, I didn't want it to ruin our last day together…Because the day you gave me today, it, it was perfect." She whispered the last few words through a veil of emotion, searching Sawyer's eyes without knowing what she was looking for.

Whatever it was, she found it. Sawyer's gaze was one of compassion, understanding and a torturous realisation. But underneath all of that was a core of raw, intense love.

They couldn't stall anymore. All the things they'd needed to say for so long had to be said now, whether Kate and Sawyer were ready to say them or not. The strange thing was, the devastating circumstances made them realise just how overdue these words really were.

"Kate…" Sawyer choked out, barely above a whisper, tracing a soft line from her temple, to rest his hand on hers, entwining their fingers. "I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry. For everything."

It felt as if a gate had been opened. As he spoke all of the emotions that had been building up inside him found a way to rush out.

"I never should have doubted you Kate, or conned you or done anything to hurt you. I never meant to, I'm sorry, I-" He was cut short by a delicate finger pressing softly against his lips. A stray tear rolled onto Kate's finger tip.

"Don't be."

Kate's voice was weak and barely audible to anyone other than her and Sawyer, but that didn't matter. All that mattered was the two of them.

"It's my fault, Sawyer. All of this, I – I shouldn't have-"

This time it was Sawyer who couldn't bear to listen to what he was hearing.

"Hey, hey, don't say things like that Kate." He said through mounting sorrow. "It was them who did this and they'll pay. Baby, please, you gotta believe me, it's not your fault."

As soothing as his voice was for Kate to hear, Sawyer's words couldn't phase Kate's guilt. She cupped his face in her hands, locking eye contact like a lifeline, and battled the overbearing pain and trepidation in order to speak these words while she still could.

"I'm sorry I blamed you, before we got back here. Back home. I'm so sorry…I should…should have told you how I felt…told you everything."

Kate let her hands fall back to Sawyer's chest, unable to hold them up any longer. It hurt Sawyer to hear her broken sentences which brought back poignant memories. But they were like candy compared to seeing Kate try to speak the words, in a raspy tired voice, her suffering obvious in her eyes, her mouth dry with old blood. It was torture to watch her desperately emptying her heart to him through shattered breaths. It was worse than the torture before their first kiss. Worse because this time she felt it too, because this time she wouldn't be there to help him recover and the wound left behind this time would never heal.

"And Sawyer?"

Kate carried on almost silently, but somehow, even through her anguish, with a faint smile still playing on her lips.

"Call me Freckles, okay?"

This received a heart-broken sigh of laughter from Sawyer. He kissed Kate softly on her hand, and then again on her neck and forehead. Unable to speak through his now almost uncontrollable tears, he simply nodded, with a small dimpled smile just for her.

Kate's lips moved slightly as she prepared to talk once more. It pained Sawyer, more than he ever thought possible, to see her like this, but there was nothing he could do. Nothing, except be there for her, until the end. Kate latched her arms around his waist and spoke softly.

"I love you."

Although the words were almost lost into the air, Sawyer heard them perfectly.

He stroked the hair around her face, melting inside at what she'd just told him. He'd known for a while now, but hearing her say it took his breath away.

He leaned closer to her, so that his breaths tickled her skin.

"I love you too, Freckles."

Kate's eyes glinted as she stared up into his and sighed somewhat contentedly, almost happily in the haze of growing numbness. An image of her lying there, calm now, love being the only thing she could feel, imprinted itself in Sawyer's mind. She was at peace in his arms.

As the fire faded from her eyes and the darkness engulfed her, Kate whispered the two words that she should have said a long time ago.

"Goodbye James."

-----------------------------------------------------The End-----------------------------------------------------

Yatta! What does everybody think? Good, bad, meh?  
Strawberries, Fish biscuits and mini bottles of vodka for anyone who reviews!


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